i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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