How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
