Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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