Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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