When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
