i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
