Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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