Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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