youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
