We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
