if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
