i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
