He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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