I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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