I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
