the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
