There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
