Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
