The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
