If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
