it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
