Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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