sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
