i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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