i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
