I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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