I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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