I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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