the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
