Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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