i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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