i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
