dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
