If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
