i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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