I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
