So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
