On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
