This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
