hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
