you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
