Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
