you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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