Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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