so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
