We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
