I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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