If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
