You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
