Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
