he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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