I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
